Mr_Belvedere

Greetings fellow bloggers! As the Christmas season approaches, I thought I would offer up some excellent holiday ideas for you. Although I have passed on and communicate with the living via this blog (and Craig), I still am able to come up with good ideas for the Yule tide season.

1. Avoid office gift exchanges. They are dumb and a waste of money. Nobody ever "gets something they want". Instead, encourage your office to take five to ten bucks each and donate the money, or buy a present for a child who is less fortunate.

2. Sit your ass down and fill out Christmas cards! Why must people neglect to do this. Many of you think about it all year and then when it gets down to Christmas time, forget to do it. It is not too late. Make them Holiday cards and they can arrive in January as well. My advice--do 3 cards per evening, stop and then repeat the same thing the next night. You will feel better.

3. Stressed because of a family visit? Don't be. Accept people for who they are and plan things that make you happy and content. For example, if you are staying at your parents and it is typically boring, take a book, a portable CD/DVD player or a laptop if you have one. Most of all, don't go in with a set of expectations. Let it happen.

4. Leave me a holiday comment!! It makes me feel good :)

Make the Yule tide gay my friends.

Mr. B

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Here is the word of the day! Feel free to comment as use it in a sentence!"


Word of the day:

[b]fondue.[/b]


Lots of love,

Mr. B

"Greetings fellow bloggers! I thought you would get a kick out of this story....."

[b]MS. WHEELCHAIR LOSES CROWN[/b]

APPLETON, Wisconsin (AP) -- Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin has been stripped of her title because pageant officials say she can stand -- and point to a newspaper picture as proof.

Janeal Lee, who has muscular dystrophy and uses a scooter, was snapped by The Post-Crescent newspaper standing among her high school math students.

"I've been made to feel as if I can't represent the disabled citizens of Wisconsin because I'm not disabled enough," Lee said Thursday.

Lee, 30, of Appleton, had planned to go to the national pageant with her younger sister, who also has muscular dystrophy and won the competition in Minnesota.

Students at Kaukauna High School, where Lee teaches, raised $1,000 for her trip to the national pageant.

The move by the state pageant officials, led by coordinator Gina Hackel, is supported by the national board.

Candidates for the crown have to "mostly be seen in the public using their wheelchairs or scooters," said Judy Hoit, Ms. Wheelchair America's treasurer.

"Otherwise you've got women who are in their wheelchairs all the time and they get offended if they see someone standing up. We can't have title holders out there walking when they're seen in the public."

Hackel said Lee should have been aware of the rules.

The crown now goes to first runner-up Michelle Kearney of Milwaukee, who will travel to New York in July for the national pageant.

[i]Mr. Belvedere is dead. He communicates via ouija board with Craig a few times a week. Craig then types out what Mr. Belvedere has to say, the end result being this blog. Please do not freak out--Mr. Belvedere only haunts people who did not like his show.[/i]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! As most of you know by now, I am dead. I am excited because I have been chosen to help welcome Pope John Paul II into heaven when he passes on. We like to call it the "welcome to heaven wagon". The welcoming committee will be myself, Thomas Jefferson, Liberace, Mother Teresa and Charles Shultz.

This is exciting because the Pope will cause a great stir up in heaven. Rumor has it when a Pope dies it's like Mardi Gras up here.

The temperature in heaven is a balmy 88 degrees today which is terrible for my sinuses. I have been coughing up...oh...nevermind....anyway, it's hot here.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend and I look forward to talking to you again real soon!"

--Mr. B

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Well, yesterday was Easter and that means one thing...ham. I have never been a fan really. It makes me thirsty and gassy and those are two things I would rather not be. But, my mum insists on making a ham every year, so I eat it to be a nice guy.

I have never understood the concept of the Easter Bunny. Yes, bunnies are cute and all, but how did they become so much a part of the tradition of Easter? I guess the entire holiday is whacked. Jelly Beans, chocolate, those god awful Peeps and Bunnies that hop around with baskets. (That is another subject all it's own.)

So my question of the day is...do you like Easter? And if so, what is your favorite part of the Holiday? "

Be well.

--Mr. B

"Greetings fellow bloggers! In honor of the upcoming St. Patrick's Day, I give to you one of my favorite songs. Danny Boy."

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.
And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

(yes)

"Greetings Fellow Bloggers! I am excited to report that today is the annual St. Peter's 5k walk in heaven! I am ready to go! I think my main competition this year will be Johnny Carson (now that he has healthy lungs again) and former President Millard Fillmore. I take great pride in this race, having won it the last three years despite the gross chating incident of 2004.

In last year's race, John Belushi came out from the shrubbery on mile 2 and snuck into the leader's pack. He was fully rested and ran away with the race. An investigation ensued, and I was crowned the champion.

John Belushi is now living in shame in hell for 3 months as punishment for his crime. And I am about to ein my fourth straight race....wish me luck.

Mr. B

Erections lasting longer than four hours, though rare require immediate attention. Consult your doctor immediately.

[i]This has been a public service announcement from Mr. belvedere.[/i]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! As many of you already know, I am dead. I passed away a few years back, thus concluding my career as an actor on earth. The highlight of my career was my hit show "Mr. Belvedere", on ABC. It was a good show and I treasured it very much. Now that I am in heaven, I like to spend my days talking to my fellow actors who have passed on. The other day, Michael Landon and Rock Hudson came over for a pizza party. I thought this would be a good time to answer a question I often get. Is there pizza in heaven, and do they deliver?

Yes they do have pizza in heaven, and the delivery is available if you live within the area of the pizza place. The best part of pizza in heaven is, it's all free. Free pizza...imagine that! You can order as much as you want too.

Breadsticks of course are extra.

Greetings fellow bloggers! I am sad to report that at this time MSN messenger is out of service, which has caused me much dismay. I was in the middle of a chat with Rock Hudson, my good friend up here in heaven and it stopped working. I was in the midst of answering a question Rock had about the new Italian restaurant that St. Peter opened up last week. You can get a plate of angel hair pasta with red sauce, a salad and canoli for 8.95. If you go before 5 pm, you get five percent off.

Otherwise, life is going well...I hope to blog more often, but I am in negotiations with the local cable access group in heaven to show re-runs of my hit tv show. I do hope they give in...I am growing tired of watching Mama's Family and The Waltons.

Adieu-

Mr. B

[i]Mr. Belvedere is dead. He communicates via ouija board with Craig a few times a week. Craig then types out what Mr. Belvedere has to say, the end result being this blog. Please do not freak out--Mr. Belvedere only haunts people who did not like his show.[/i]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Today I am going to tell you the three things I like about radishes. If this proves to be interesting at all, I should be blogger of the month for sure!

Here are the three things I like about radishes.

1. They look like bloodshot eyeballs.

2. At a party, they are always the last things to go on the veggie tray. People cant give them away. I take them home and make soup or stew!

3. Radishes never complain. Let's face it, they are the Hippopotami of the vegetable world. They are ugly and taste wretched. And yet--they always come back--just like roaches. I always tell my dear friends that if a nuclear war strikes earth, 2 things will survive--roaches and radishes.

That is all I have for you--I do hope your friday is a good one!

Always,

Mr. B

[i]Mr. Belvedere is dead. He communicates via ouija board with Craig a few times a week. Craig then types out what Mr. Belvedere has to say, the end result being this blog. Please do not freak out--Mr. Belvedere only haunts people who did not like his show.[/i]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Yes, today is a commentary I rather enjoy (but not literally). I call it--"Make the Yule Tide Gay." Christmas is a season for ridiculous sweaters, egg nog (eggs and nog? What the hell is that?), bad gifts, the Baby Jesus and many other things. What we tend to forget is how to ENJOY the holiday! We really need to start making this Yule tide season as gay as can be.

So what if your relatives will come to your house and spill things on the couch. So what if you ask for a subscription to Maxim and instead you get a Sponge Bob Square Pants calendar. What is important is that you are with your family and friends, and you know what is important in life.

So I say, let us make the yule tide gay this year. Gay as gay can be.

Always your friend,

Mr. B

PS: You do know I mean gay as in happy, right?

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Here is some data I think you will love! I do hope your week is going well despite the re-election of Bush.

According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, the resident population of the United States, projected to 11/3/2004 at 3:15:00 PM EST is

294,671,430
COMPONENT SETTINGS


One birth every.................................. 8 seconds
One death every.................................. 13 seconds
One international migrant (net) every............ 25 seconds
Net gain of one person every..................... 10 seconds

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Here is an article I just saw, and I think it is rather interesting!"

DOG CALLS 911, SAVES OWNER'S LIFE

RICHLAND, Washington (AP) -- Leana Beasley has faith that a dog is man's best friend.

Faith, a 4-year-old Rottweiler, phoned 911 when Beasley fell out of her wheelchair and barked urgently into the receiver until a dispatcher sent help. Then the service dog unlocked the front door for the police officer.

"I sensed there was a problem on the other end of the 911 call," said dispatcher Jenny Buchanan. "The dog was too persistent in barking directly into the phone receiver. I knew she was trying to tell me something."

Faith is trained to summon help by pushing a speed-dial button on the phone with her nose after taking the receiver off the hook, said her owner, Beasley, 45, who suffers grand mal seizures.

Guided by experts at the Assistance Dog Club of Puget Sound, Beasley helped train Faith herself.

The day of the fall, Faith "had been acting very clingy, wanting to be touching me all day long," Beasley said Thursday.

The dog, whose sensitive nose can detect changes in Beasley's body chemistry, is trained to alert her owner to impending seizures.

But that wasn't what was happening on September 7, and Faith apparently wasn't sure how to communicate the problem. During Beasley's three-week hospital stay, doctors determined her liver was not properly processing her seizure medication.

"Greetings fellow bloggers! This week marks my full return to blogging. I want everyone to know I am coming back in full force and will be posting like a mad-dog beginning later today! Until then, leave me some comments peeps!"

(I hate the term "peeps")

PS: Nice song this weekend Ashlee Simpson. Go back to 7th Heaven.

--Mr. B

[b]Mr. Belvedere is dead. He communicates via ouija board with Craig a few times a week. Craig then types out what Mr. Belvedere has to say, the end result being this blog. Please do not freak out--Mr. Belvedere only haunts people who did not like his show.[/b]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! I did not realize it has been so long since I last posted. I truly feel bad about that. I am back though, well rested and ready to speak on a topic that is near and dear to my heart--buffets.

When I was acting on the ABC sitcom "Mr. Belvedere", we used to go to Ponderosa for dinner when we were shooting. You would think that a classy Englishman like myself would never be seen at a buffet, but think again. I love them. I love the huge bowl of vanilla pudding, the side of roast beef under the heat lamp, the salad bar with macaroni salad and cole slaw...yes friends, I could eat all I wanted and more.

As I developed "man boobs", no doubt from eating at Ponderosa 3-4 times a week, I slowed my buffet eating down to a mere trickle. I had developed clogged arteries and needed to focus on better eating habits. Then as most of you already know, I died and went to heaven, where you can eat anything you want and not gain a pound.

The moral of the story is, eat all you want on earth because when you pass on there is a Ponderosa on every street corner. And the roast beef is divine."

--Mr. B

[b]Mr. Belvedere is dead. He communicates via ouija board with Craig a few times a week. Craig then types out what Mr. Belvedere has to say, the end result being this blog. Please do not freak out--Mr. Belvedere only haunts people who did not like his show.[/b]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! I must report on a flowing debate we have been having here in heaven. Nell Carter and I argued at length about Nick At Nite's choice of bringing "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" on in a few weeks. Personally, I think it's a travesty to American television. Nell on the other hand thinks I am being "A snobby old fart." She thinks that Fresh Prince was a great show and that I am just jealous. I think she puts too much whiskey in her afternoon tea.

So I once again am faced with the age old question--why won't Nick at Nte put Mr. Belvedere on the schedule? They tried the wretched "Who's the Boss?" and it bombed. I could have told them it would--afterall, Tony Danza as a butler? Speaking of that show, Alyssa Milano sure turned out to be one hot cookie didn't she?

And so the debate goes on....and my old reruns lie in state gathering the proverbial dust.

Until next time."

--Mr. B

[b]Mr. Belvedere is dead. He communicates via ouija board with Craig a few times a week. Craig then types out what Mr. Belvedere has to say, the end result being this blog. Please do not freak out--Mr. Belvedere only haunts people who did not like his show.[/b]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Well I have been working with Craig as he prepares for his big interview in New Hampshire. We are going over questions that may come about, which is no easy task on the ouija board. Perhaps you have an idea or two on how he can be as charming as possible.

I love using the word "shant". I shant be coming over for tea today, as I have shuffleboard practice. That is what I told My dear friend Alexander Graham Bell, who asked me over for a spot of tea. Alex likes to brag about inventing the phone. It drives me bananas. I tell him, Alexander, let us move on--inventing the telephone is so....1800's. It pisses him off a triffle, but I think he gets the message.

That reminds me...maybe you have a question or two for my dear friend that I can convey? This could be fun--I might even give him a day to blog for you! Until then...I wish you a pleasant night."

--Mr.B

[b]Mr. Belvedere is dead. He communicates via ouija board with Craig a few times a week. Craig then types out what Mr. Belvedere has to say, the end result being this blog. Please do not freak out--Mr. Belvedere only haunts people who did not like his show.[/b]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Today in heaven we had our annual shuffleboard tournament. I was paired with my good friend, Rock Hudson. We took on the venerable duo of Nell Carter and Bob Hope. Although on the surface they would appear to be a most unlikely pair, when together in a competition they become as fierce as fierce can be.

Bob Hope pisses me off to some degree, because he always coughs when I am about to shuffle. He says it is his dry throat condition, but I see right through that comedic laugh-whore. I am happy to report that Rock and I won the match and will move on to round two to play Chris Farley and Abraham Lincoln. (Please don't ask.)

I will keep you all updated on our progress. Until then, may you have a happy night!"

--Mr. B

Leave Mr. B a fun comment....he wants to crack the top 100.

[b]Mr. Belvedere is dead. He communicates via ouija board with Craig a few times a week. Craig then types out what Mr. Belvedere has to say, the end result being this blog. Please do not freak out--Mr. Belvedere only haunts people who did not like his show.[/b]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! It is Friday and the excitement is so thick you can cut it with a knife...or something like that. The weekend is a time to relax and enjoy the people around you. Or, if you prefer, you can shun society and lay on your couch watching baseball and the olympics, which is exactly what Craig is going to do. Is he a lame ass couch potato or just one smart cookie? You decide.

As for me, I am meeting with the heaven cable association to determine whether or not reruns of my show, "Mr. Belvedere" will be shown beginning this fall. Already they have added "Greatest American Hero" and "The Dukes of Hazard". Apparently, I am not as talented as Uncle Freakin Jesse and Cooter. We shall see though--I have a trick or two up my sleeve.

I sincerely hope that your weekend is a good one and that you will write comments."

[b]Mr. Belvedere is dead. He communicates via ouija board with Craig a few times a week. Craig then types out what Mr. Belvedere has to say, the end result being this blog. Please do not freak out--Mr. Belvedere only haunts people who did not like his show.[/b]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Have you ever walked down the street and noticed a person walking in the opposite direction talking out loud to themselves? It is quite bizarre. I see it all the time, because I am dead, and you can't see me when I stroll down a Manhattan Street. I wonder to myself the following things:

1. Do this many people have imaginery friends?

2. If so, are they that lonely?

3. I think Craig has like 10 imaginery friends, including one named Paco.

I am well aware that there are some people with headsets talking on phones, which is another story altogether. And there are people with mental illnesses who need our help. But c'mon! All these people talking to themselves...having full conversations?? I think we should all sit down for a nice hot cup of tea and talk to each other, face to face, and not some imaginery friend who probably backstabs you every chance he gets anyway.

That is my rant for the day--I do hope you have a wonderful afternoon. Peace-out mofos."

--Mr. B

[b]Mr. Belvedere is dead. He communicates via ouija board with Craig a few times a week. Craig then types out what Mr. Belvedere has to say, the end result being this blog. Please do not freak out--Mr. Belvedere only haunts people who did not like his show.[/b]

When I was on the set of Mr. Belvedere, I used to get real ticked off when Bob Uecker came to work drunk off his ass. He was a mediocre actor sober so you can imagine what it was like to stand there and do take after freaking take with a "bombed Bob"

The young actor who played Wesley on the show was a fine lad, although he was quite the prankster. Once he put a laxative in my afternoon tea, causing me to crap non-stop for the next 15 hours. My face showed the effects of a night of crapping when we taped that episode. I looked weak and dehydrated--like Keith Richards on a good day.

All in all I made it through each of the trials and tribulations with grace and dignity. I cannot help but wonder though if I would have been better off developing my second talent--wild bull riding.

Until next time.

Mr. B