Mr_Belvedere

"Greetings fellow bloggers! What may I ask is going on with these incessant quiz thing-a-ma-bobbers? You are a this...or you are a that....it is taking over blog land like the Bubonic plague. As my mum once told me though, to each his own...if you like quizzes that's great..really :)

Here are my top 3 steaks in order of preference:

1. Ribeye
2. Porterhouse
3. New York Strip

I am becoming increasingly disenchanted with Prime Rib. I find that 2 of every 3 I order are disappointing. A good Prime Rib is not chewy or dry. (And yes...I do order them in nice places, not a 2.99 all you can eat in Las Vegas.)

I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday! Please feel free to leave comments, and to tell me your favorite steak! Do you use steak sauce like me? Be well!"

--Mr. B

**Disclaimer: Mr. Belvedere is dead. He writes his blog from Heaven by communicating with irishred via ouija board each night.

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Let us dive into the mailbag and see what happens!"

Dear Mr. Belvedere,

I really love my boyfriend, but he drives me so crazy sometimes. Let me give you two examples. First, when he showers, he uses "soap on a rope". That is SO 1980's! I mean please! He stands there and washes himself happily with his soap on a rope. He looks like a fool!

Second, whenever he drinks something, he uses a straw. Even when he drinks beer, he uses a straw. I think that is just plain weird. I even tried hiding all the straws in the apartment, but last night when I was searching through his coat pockets for fun, I found a stash of McDonalds straws.

I think I am going to dump him. Do you think I should?

Confused in California.


[i]Dearest Confused,

I too use soap on a rope. I find it refreshing and fun. I think you should try it too. First though, might I recommend letting people take showers without you standing their with a clipboard critiquing their every move? I bet you use things in the shower that are silly...yes...I bet you stand there lathering up with your pretty little body washes....all foamy and rubbing them all over your petite body....

Please forgive me. I let myself get off topic. I think you should reconsider this break up. Perhaps the real issue lies in you being a little too gestapo-like? If I were you, I would cool off with a nice shower...perhaps some body wash....

Mr. B[/i]

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Here is a list of things that make me laugh my arse off. I do hope you enjoy them!

1. Episodes of JAG. That show is embarrasing, although Catherine Bell is hot.

2. Quiznos sub commericials

3. When people wear those god awful glasses like J-Lo

4. When George W. Bush talks.

5. Stupid reality shows like My fat obnoxious husband or whatever. And that show with the "little people".

**By the way, did you know they are doing a new one where the girl has to pick the straight guys out of the group of gay/straight men?

What is happening to earth?

--Mr. B

"Greetings! So I see the hot blogs have once again changed and I say Bravo! Now maybe some of us underlings can crack the top 100! I like that there is a new formula...sort of reminds me of New Coke when it first came out....oh wait, that was a disaster!!

This however should be more accurate and more fun for all of us, and I applaud Rocky and his staff. Now, if he can just buy me that carton of ciggies I asked him for (They don't sell them in heaven). If he does that, then maybe I will write an episode of Mr. Belvedere about him. (Starring me of course)."

--Mr.B

"Greetings fellow bloggers! I know it has been a long time since I have written, but I have been really busy trying to get old re-runs of my show in syndication. Also, my mother found out about my blog, and she got in a rather large tizzy. I explained to her that I was a grown man, also dead--which qualifies me for a parental exemption.

It stinks when you die and come to heaven, only to have your mother read your online journal! She even saw my secret files--you know, the diary of my lust for Vicki Lawerence of Mama's Family. Even though I hated that show more than creamed spinach, I though she looked hot in that wig and support hose.

I hope to write more as the mood strikes me...until then...be well!"

--Mr. B

In his weekly column "Streaks on the China", Mr. Belvedere talks about issues that plague our society, and other fun stuff.


"Greetings everyone! I was eating a scone the other day and I got to thinking about Bubonic Plague and how awful it must have been to live with. Back in the Middle Ages, it was to my understanding, the number one cause of death for a period.

These days, we have the ability to eradicate such diseases and to ensure that our people live longer, healthier lives. So this begs the question, why don't we do a better job of ridding the world of infections. Here are a list of plagues that I would like to see eradicated:

1. JAG
2. Punky Brewster re-runs.
3. All references to the cast of Silver Spoons.

This would make me a happy man, and I know it would further cement my chances of landing a few syndications gigs for my show, Mr. Belvedere. I may be dead and therefor cannot collect royalties, but I sure can gloat about it up here in heaven with all my fellow dead actors."

until next time...

Mr. B

"Greetings fellow bloggers! Let us dive into the mailbag and see what we can come up with."

Dear Mr. Belvedere,

I just read about the lady in Texas who had crude oil coming out of her toilet. It got me to thinking...what would happen if you were in the shower and oil started coming out of the shower head? Let's say you were the best man at a wedding and as you showered, the oil covered you. That would take hours to get out! Maybe days! Would you skip the wedding or go there are oily? I have a wedding next week, and now I am scared to take a shower (or a dump for that matter).

Scared in Silicon Valley


[i]Dear Scared,

First of all, let us keep this somewhat civilized. Please do not refer to it as "taking a dump". Second, oil is not going to come out of your shower head. The odds of this happening are the same as JAG becoming a decent televison show, and we all know that is NOT ever going to happen.

Where was I....oh, I think you should consider professional help at this time. It concerns me that you are afraid to take a shower just because some lady had crude oil coming out of her toilet. Actually....that is a bit bizarre...perhaps you should take a bath instead.

--Mr. B[/i]

"Greetings. Here are some things I think you should keep your eye out for this year."

1. The show JAG will continue to poison the airwaves on CBS.

2. Taco Pizza will make a comeback, and then go away again because it tastes like rubbish.

3. Survivor All Star will not be as popular as people thought it would.

4. My show, Mr. Belvedere will appear on Nick at Nite, and Craig will never leave the house.

5. Because of number 4, Craig's dating life goes way south.

6. Red Jello Wrestling will take off in the midwest, and the featured match will be Christina Aguilera vs. Britney Spears.

7. Janet Jackson will retire. Finally.